


A Tale of the Oblivious Charmings

by confusednerdling



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 00:41:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5437019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confusednerdling/pseuds/confusednerdling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"“Mom, Regina is my girlfriend,” </p><p>How it came to this, Emma wasn’t sure, but telling her parents the truth was now the only thing that felt right. Regina, wearing a dark pantsuit, held Emma’s hand as she spoke. Both of them were trembling. Memories of the past kept shooting in their skulls and both of them certainly didn’t want another blood feud. </p><p>Snow, for some strange reason, let her features twist into an already too big smile. “I know that, sweetie,”</p><p>“Oh, thank God. I mean, we’ve been hinting at it and Regina has been - “</p><p>“You two are friends. Yes, yes. I know. I didn’t know it was much of a secret? You practically have sleepovers every night and dinners and movie nights,” Snow giggled girlishly."</p><p>-- Looks and Snippets of Regina Mills and Emma Swans's relationship as they try to hint and show the Charmings they are dating with little luck. --</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Tale of the Oblivious Charmings

Regina Mills woke up terribly confused. The room appeared to be hers with her minimalistic furniture and a small but significant photo of Henry, Emma, and her on her nightstand, but there were _things_ all around that were displeasing to her calculating eyes. A leather jacket laid at the foot of her bed. Now if it was black, Regina would understand, but instead, it was a sharp red that stole away all her focus. There was a flannel shirt on her bedroom floor, discarded haphazardly, and jeans as well. Her eyes widened and she moved her palm around, searching for the body that undoubtedly came with the clothing. Her heart instantly calmed at the single touch of the pads of her fingers against Emma’s smooth skin. Her hand moved up and felt the soft strands of stray blonde hair. Her chest swelled immediately. 

“Regina?” the blonde mumbled into her pillow. She was, unfortunately, drooling, but, a factor that once was revolting to Regina, was now endearing. 

“Hm?”

“Um, are you ever going to, like, stop waking up and feeling the need to touch me? It’s ruining my sleep, babe,”

“Sorry, dear. I just can’t resist,” 

Emma’s head raised from the pillow so her sleepy green eyes could meet the former queen’s. “I love you,”

“I love you too, dear,” Regina practically purred, but once she gazed around the room, her expression turned serious. “However, I do not like the mess,”

“Can’t you _magic it_ all away?” 

The brunette rolled her eyes and returned her head to her pillow. She was never going to get used to this. She was never going to get used to the fact she was dating the Savior. 

\----

When it was officially morning, the two women dressed quickly - Regina in a red shirt that was unfamiliar but fit her nicely and Emma in a black blouse and black leather jacket with faded jeans and combat boots. 

The two were talking to one another as they changed, moving around the room in a frantic pace, but one they were very used to. In fact, they were so used to it, that they could finish each other’s thoughts, predicting exactly what their partner was about to say in a fashion that could only show how well they knew each other. 

“I’ll bring Henry to - “

“ - school, yes. And I’ll - “

“ - go to work. I’ll do the same. Then, - “

“ - lunch? No. You have a meeting with my mom, remember?”

“Ah, right. Totally slipped my mind,”

“Besides, I’m eating with my dad. Can you - “

“Of course, I’ll make you lunch. Do you want my - “

“Yeah, I’ll take the leftovers from last night. Thanks,”

“Of course, dear,”

“Dinner?”

“Usual time,”

“Awesome. You going to make - “

“ - your favorite? Sure, but - “

“Yeah, yeah. I know. I’ll pick up the lettuce for the salad after work,”

“Great. And can you - “

“Hot cocoa?”

“Yes, we ran out,” 

The two finally laid eyes on each and froze. Emma’s hair was in a messy ponytail. Her eyes were wild and crazed from running around while Regina looked completely composed, even when she was pressed for time, but the moment she witnessed Emma’s outfit, her eyes bulged. 

“ _Are you wearing my clothes?_ ”

They said in perfect unison, but before they could swap clothing or discard the apparel, the doorbell downstairs rang. Both of them stiffened at the noise and before Emma could say a word, Regina murmured, “Your parents,”

“How do you know?”

“Who else would think to bother me at seven in the morning?” Regina pointed out, earning a nod from her partner. 

Emma frowned. Her parents were unaware that she had been dating their former enemy for over a year now. They both wished to tell them, but by doing so, they would certainly earn the disappointing looks or unrelenting rage from Snow and David. Things had been going great for the two of them. No more did they fight over who got time with Henry as it remained equal with their movie nights on Mondays and family dinners every night and the occasional park walk or game of catch. Telling her parents would probably only end in them freaking out and scaring Regina away, something the blonde had no intention of ever doing. And so she never made an attempt to significantly hide her attachment to Regina, but she also never proclaimed it to them, hoping her parents would understand if they figured out how happy they were on their own. 

“We have to get the door, don’t we?” Regina visibly cringed as the bell rung again. 

Emma nodded weakly. 

\----

When the two made their way downstairs slowly, taking pleasure in the few moments of peace they had left, they found the door already open.

“Regina, Emma,” the Charmings greeted in unison. They’re smiles awkward and forced. 

“Mom, Dad… She’s not going to kill you for coming over,”

“That’s not what she said last time,” Snow whispered to her husband. 

Once Emma overheard what they had said, she sent a sharp look to Regina who just mumbled, “They caught me right before my morning coffee. What was I supposed to do, dear? Pretend to be sane in the morning without caffeine?” Emma just rolled her eyes and watched her girlfriend dash into the kitchen for something to keep her from passing out. 

“So, mom...dad...what are you doing here?”

“We came by for breakfast,” Snow said politely. Her fake grin had been replaced with a real one - one that was much too chipper for her daughter’s sake. It faltered slightly as she added, “Though why we’re eating at Regina’s is a mystery to me…”

“Regina is the best cook alive. I swear the woman could give Granny a run for her money,” Emma smirked. She loved to show off her girlfriend. No matter the circumstances. 

“Why were you here so early, Emma?” David’s face twisted with naivety and confusion. 

The former queen reappeared in Emma’s line of sight. The tension in her shoulders had dissipated and she looked almost calm. “We were all watching a movie. It was late and I rather demanded that she stay the night in the guest room. It would be foolish to let her drive her death trap when she was so obviously about to pass out. I did you two a service,” Regina replied nonchalantly with a large mug of coffee hiding her lips. “Otherwise, you’d find her in a ditch smelling like fast food the way her car does,”

“That’s dark, mom,” a sleepy Henry yawned. He had been sitting on the couch awaiting a mug of coffee of his own which Regina gladly supplied to him. The Mills were much too dependent on caffeine in the morning for Emma’s taste, but then again, she as well needed something to awaken her after… _busy_ nights. 

“Please, Your Majesty. The Bug is a _delight_ ,”

“Hm, yes. How easy it would have been for me to enact my revenge on your mother if I had your beloved Bug? Force the princess to drive the cursed car and she’d never return again,” the brunette replied jokingly with mock superiority. Emma giggled at her statements after she feigned to be upset. 

“David, I told you we should have cancelled. Morning Regina is...much too scary for my taste,” Snow whispered nervously to her husband causing the Swan-Mills family only to grin in retaliation smugly. They were all used to the strangely dark humor Regina held before she was fully awake. Whether it was the nightmares still fresh in her head or the lack of alertness, this was a common theme and great source of comedy for the family. 

“So,” Charming took a step forward, protectively wrapping an arm around his wife. “Where’s breakfast?”

“I’ll make it in a bit. Help yourself to some apples,” Regina practically mumbled, sitting beside her son. Emma watched them intently. They were the most adorable pair. They both scrunched their noses up as they lowered their mugs and they seemed to almost melt into the white couch. Henry’s head soon fell on Regina’s shoulder and the woman almost appeared to crumple at the weight of him. She looked so frail and smaller than Emma had ever seen. She just wanted to sit beside her girlfriend and help hold her up and let the brunette fall asleep on her lap, but she had parents to entertain. 

“Maybe we should just go to Granny’s?” Emma sighed, hating the fact she was missing spending time with her family. 

The Charming agreed with oversized smiles. 

\----

Emma sat in the Sheriff’s Office, diving into a donut. Regina had insisted she stop eating bear claws and so Emma decided to be an adult and make the healthy transition to donuts instead. A glob of frosting fell and made its way to Regina’s leather jacket. She groaned in protest. 

“Regina’s going to kill me,” she whined, incredibly childlike. 

Her father tensed. “Wait. That jacket is Regina’s?”

Emma forced a giant smile. “Borrowed it. You know? Like friends do,”

David smiled and nodded, completely convinced. 

\----

Regina had forgotten she had a meeting with Snow during lunch. She should have remembered and scolded herself for letting Snow see her confused look when she ran into the office. Emma had told her that morning. If they had time, the sheriff would have also supplied a sticky note to the cover of the mayor’s salad as an additional reminder. Regina would also have gotten a couple dirty texts and a couple reminders or even find a freshly brewed cup of coffee on her desk. But Emma was busy with her father. 

She sighed miserably and ordered two drinks - a coffee and hot cocoa with cinnamon - to go. 

“What’s with the other drink?” Snow inquired, curiously. 

“Hm?” Regina’s brown eyes raised from the stack of papers in front of them. 

“The other drink?”

Regina’s mouth opened slightly. Emma had made sure they’re relationship was never a secret. They didn’t hide from people during their dates or live their lives without ever showing a sign of affection in public, but the Charming were the sole exception. The entire town new incredibly well especially when Emma was now practically living at 108 Mifflin Street, but the Charmings saw the entire relationship in a more “friendship lighting”. One Emma wanted to eventually correct, but never addressed. However, the blonde clearly stated that ever if asked questions to the extent of their relationship Regina should feel no need to lie so she didn’t. 

“Emma,”

“Wow, you two are really good friends,” Snow seemed impressed almost. “Isn’t it funny how far we’ve all come?”

“What did you say, dear? I’m awfully focused on this proposal here for the budget. I think if we - “

“I was just saying how far we’ve come. I mean, Emma and you used to _despise_ one another and -“

Regina tensed at the mention of her girlfriend’s name. “Well, to be fair, back then I hadn’t accepted how I truly felt about that idiot - “ She said the insult endearingly nowadays. “Now, things are clearer,”

“How so?”

The former queen’s mouth fell open. Was this bumbling excuse for a princess really so clueless that she hadn’t seen all the signs of a relationship? Regina suppressed frustration. It was so useless in this situation, but before she could respond, Snow interjected - 

“I love that shirt. God, that shirt… It’s so familiar. Where you get it?”

And before Regina could create a lie that wouldn’t end in a plethora of questions, she blurted, “Emma’s closet,”

Snow’s eyes widened and whatever she was going to say was hidden behind her own coffee mug. 

\----

Two weeks later, it was movie night and unfortunately for the Swan-Mills family, their night was interrupted by two very loud Charmings. Once they caught wind that their apparent _favorite_ film in the entire world was playing at 108 Mifflin Street, they invited themselves. 

“Our little family!” Snow had gushed. “My daughter, my grandson, my husband…” She faltered at an appropriate title for Regina and hastily added, “...and my grandson’s other mother - all together for movie night! How great!” Emma didn’t dare tell them that they had been doing movie night for over seven months on every Monday. 

“Yes, our _little_ family,” Regina cleared her throat. Emma’s arms were draped around her and two were cuddling, hidden under a red plush blanket. The two had been in the midst of a game of how much they could do to hint at their relationship to see if the Charmings would ever catch on. So far they had gotten away with a lot - Emma had slapped Regina’s butt on several occasions, they came to Granny’s in matching clothing, accidentally, they held hands, and flirted publically as much as they could. Now, they were cuddling - Regina’s head on Emma’s shoulder while the blonde stroked her hair - and still the Charmings chalked it up to friendship. 

Henry was even starting to have fun with it. “Let’s just call mom, ma’s _partner_ ,”

“Clever! Because they’re _partners in crime_!” 

Emma facepalmed and let her parents remain oblivious for the rest of the movie. 

\----

“You look wonderful, babe,” Emma gushed, seeing her girlfriend enter the loft quickly. “I mean, that dress… Wow,”

The queen stopped, taken aback by Emma’s comment and smiled slyly. “When have you been so interested in my clothes, Miss Swan? I thought you prefered to take them off,” 

“Hot,” Emma kissed her gently before shouting out, “I’ll be out with Regina! Watch Henry like a hawk, alright?”

“Alright! Have fun with your girls’ night!” Mary Margaret’s voice rang out from the upstairs where she was hiding away with Emma’s baby brother and Henry. The two were admiring how much Neal had grown. 

“Girls’ night?” Regina frowned, taking Emma’s hand in a single swift motion like she had done time and time before. “Why on Earth would we want to invite _boys_?”

At this, Emma laughed and followed her out. 

\----

“Mom, Regina is my girlfriend,” 

How it came to this, Emma wasn’t sure, but telling her parents the truth was now the only thing that felt right. Regina, wearing a dark pantsuit, held Emma’s hand as she spoke. Both of them were trembling. Memories of the past kept shooting in their skulls and both of them certainly didn’t want another blood feud. 

Snow, for some strange reason, let her features twist into an already too big smile. “I know that, sweetie,”

“Oh, thank God. I mean, we’ve been hinting at it and Regina has been - “

“You two are friends. Yes, yes. I know. I didn’t know it was much of a secret? You practically have sleepovers every night and dinners and movie nights,” Snow giggled girlishly. 

“No, mom. Regina is bisexual,”

“I know,”

Emma gave Regina an incredulous look which the older woman merely responded with a single word, “ _Maleficent_ ,”

“Okay, right,” the blonde tried not to look too jealous at the name of her girlfriend’s ex. She knew they were just friends now, but still, embers of envy rolled in her stomach at the mention of the woman’s name. “Well, I’m like super gay,”

“I’m glad you’re happy,”

“I’m a lesbian,”

“You speak French?”

“What?”

“ _Le bein_!” the former princess admitted with excitement. “It means _the good_ , I think,” At this, Regina loudly snickered against her will. She stopped and quickly regained her composure, squeezing her partner’s hand protectively. 

Emma groaned in frustration. She expected anger or some sort of emotion, but not this…This was torture. 

“No, mom. No. I like woman,”

“I like woman too,” 

“ _Really?_ ” Regina and Emma gasped with matching astonished expressions. 

Snow nodded. “Sure, I like plenty of women. I like you two, Ruby, Granny, Belle… I always thought as women need to stick together,”

“No, mom. No. Okay… I don’t like them in a friendship sense. I like them in a love sense,” 

At this, Snow’s smile faltered in puzzlement. “Well, I love you too, Emma,”

“No, mom!” she cried out. “No! I love women!” 

“I do too!” 

Regina squeezed Emma’s hand sympathetically. “She’s a loss cause,”   
\----

Snow and David watched her daughter from afar. For the first time, their date nights had overlapped and the Charmings found themselves in an interesting situation. Now, they were only a few tables away from Regina and Emma - who were holding hands and grinning bigger than they had ever seen. Luckily, both women hadn’t noticed the Charmings presence and so they watched with curiosity. 

“I’m glad she found Regina,” Snow told her husband, looking at the menu while he glared the former Evil Queen down. 

“Do you think…?”

“What, honey?”

“Do you think they’re dating?”

“That’s ridiculous! They’re best friends” 

David bobbed his head up and down. His wife had a point. 

Meanwhile, Emma had dropped to a single knee. Her emerald green eyes brimming with tears. 

“Miss Swan, you moron, stand up. What are you…? What are you doing?!” the brunette's voice grew with panic and fear as her idiotic Savior stayed in front of her with a small ring in between her fingers. 

“Nope,”

“Emma, I…”

“Regina Mills. You have been known for being a source of darkness, but I can barely believe that because, for me, you are my brightest source of light. You’re my confidant. You’re my friend. You’re my Savior,” Regina wiped her own tears, giddy laugh escaping her lips. She wanted to scream yes, but Emma continued, “You’re my family. You’re my home. You’re my happy ending. So, Regina Mills, will you - “

“YES!” 

Emma laughed, relief filling her lungs. “Let me finish, will ya? Regina Mills, will you marry me?“ 

“Yes, you idiot!” And the mayor grabbed the sheriff in front of everyone and kissed her so passionately the two felt as if they were sharing a single heart. 

David glanced at his wife. A single brow was raised. “Well?”

“Aw, how sweet!” Snow gushed. “They’re buying each other jewelry to commemorate their friendship!” David smiled. _Of course_ , he thought. _Snow was right! It was just a complicated pair of friends. It had to be..._

\----

On moving day, Emma packed up all her things in cardboard boxes like she had done several times in her foster homes, but this time it wasn’t a bad occasion but a brilliant one. One that was going to result in secret kisses, dinners, more movie nights, Regina’s hilarity in the morning, Henry’s sleepy face… She was strengthening her family. 

Regina stood beside her, using magic to carry the boxes. “You alright, dear?”

“Why?”

“You’re crying,” the mayor lowered the boxes and moved towards her fiance. She placed her palms on the woman’s cheeks and looked into her emerald eyes. “This is the official start of our life together,”

“God, I love you,”

“I love you too,”

“I love you guys as well!” Snow’s triumphant voice rang out. She was clutching two boxes that were comically larger than her. “Oh, I’m so glad you’re moving in with your bestie! What a grand experience! I hope you continue to have this great bond throughout your lives,” She sighed wistfully. “You will look back to the time where you lived under one roof and think isn’t it swell we got to cherish our friendship,” She sighed again and moved to the door, leaving the two alone. Finally. 

“Your mother is one...special woman,”

“You think she’s going to keep this denial gig up?” Emma asked with a crooked smile. “Can you imagine what she’s going to say at our wedding?”

“She’s going to be _so_ confused,” 

And they cackled so loud Snow heard it through the walls. 

\----

“Will you take my last name or will I take yours?” Emma asked in the dead of night. For a woman who could summon fire, Regina was certainly cold. The other woman’s arms wrapped around her protectively. 

“Hm, Mills-Swan doesn’t sound too good, dear,”

“Swan-Mills then?”

“I like it,” 

“I do too,” Emma waited a moment before asking, “You’d still call me Miss Swan, right? In like that really sexy voice and - “

“Yes...Miss Swan,”

Emma turned around and met Regina’s lips with her own. The woman tasted like apples and cinnamon. Emma wondered if she did as well. “Love you,” she murmured when they parted. Their foreheads leaned against one another. 

“And I - “ They were interrupted by the ringtone of Regina’s cell. 

“Gina! You know vibrate exists!” 

The woman rolled her eyes and answered quickly without hesitation. For someone to call this late, it must have been an emergency. 

“Hello? Miss Mills speaking,” She made sure to give Emma a smirk as she said her surname. 

“ _Regina? It’s Mary Margaret - Or, well, Snow… - I need to speak to my daughter!_ ” 

“Alright,” the brunette nodded. She passed the phone to her fiance. “Emma, it’s your mother,”

“Mom? Everything okay?”

“ _Yes! I just wanted to let you know that your father… He’s okay! He’s okay! It’s just that he’s in the hospital. It seemed he broke his arm fighting some witch and the doctor say he’s going to be fine! But…_ ” She let her voice trail on. 

“Oh God, mom! That’s awful. We’ll be down there in a few - “ She nodded at Regina, alerting her that there would be no time for flirting or jokes or teasing. The urgency was clear in Emma’s emerald eyes and so the woman nodded and quickly got dressed while Emma did the same, the cold phone pressed to her ear. “So, how are you doing?”

“Fine. Worried, but fine,” There was silence for a minute before Emma heard her mother ask, “So how is the guest room at Regina’s? I mean, your room,”

“I don’t sleep in the guest room,”

“Really?”

“I sleep in Regina’s,”

“Bunkbeds?”

Emma scrunched her entire face up. Her mother already was upset and she didn’t want to make it worse. “Yes, mom,” She sighed miserably. “Magical bunkbeds. Regina summons them every night and then she turns it back to her original sleek bed after morning,” 

“Seems like a lot of effort,”

“You have no idea,”

\----

At the reception, Emma and Regina danced like they hadn’t ever done in any balls they’ve attended. Regina wasn’t hiding away or behind the figure of Leopold and, well, Emma never really went to parties for the sole reason that she wasn’t exactly ever invited to them. So it was quite memorable to the both as they moved up and down the dance floor, refusing to leave each other’s sides. 

“What good friends…” Snow marveled. 

“Honey,” David took her by her shoulders. “They’re...They’re married,”

“What a great metaphor! Friendship is a grand commitment - It’s like marriage,” she giggled and jabbed her husband in the ribs. “Good one, Charming,”

At this, her husband blushed, but he continued persistently, “This is a wedding reception,”

“No, honey. This is a birthday party,”

“For who, Snow?! For who?!” 

“Them… I thought it was a joint birthday party…”

David shook his head sadly. “Oh, Snow… Honey, Regina and Emma are married,” 

Snow said nothing for a moment, trying to wrap her head around everything. It was all happening too fast. “My God, Charming. Where were the signs? This just… This just happened out of nowhere!” 

And all anyone could do all night as Snow ran away in a panic was laugh at her obliviousness. 

\----

“I think that went well, dear,”

“My mother found out I was getting married...on the day of my wedding,”

“Yes, but after a few slices of a cake, she certainly calmed down,”

“Yeah, after she cried and tried to convince me I was under your ‘bisexual spell’,”

At this, Regina laughed. “At least now she knows,”

“Yeah,”

“And she approves,”

“After I convinced her I married you with my own free will,”

Regina mocked a pout. “And why exactly did you do that again?”

“Because I love you,”

“I know, idiot. And I love you,”


End file.
